Too Much Pain and Not Enough Gain

When the trailer for Pain and Gain came out, I was pretty excited about the release as were many of my friends who enjoy comedies and also love working out at the gym. From what I could tell from the commercials the film was about three bodybuilders trying to take some criminal down and take his money. The movie starred three proven actors Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and Anthony Mackie as the three bodybuilders. It was directed by Transformers' franchise director Michael Bay. It seemed like it had all the necessary ingredients to make a great comedy, but I was wrong. It was actually quite a tragedy.

The "R" rating probably should have sent warning signs, but sense many comedies now do have that "R" rating I didn't think twice about it even though there is no need for the material that causes movies to have that rating to make a comedy better. It simply does not need to be there, but that is for another post... Anyway, what made Pain and Gain a terrible comedy and a weak tragedy is that I could not relate to the characters, which is (in my opinion) one of the most important keys to any good story or film. The three body builders did not fit any of the "clicks" in the gym. The movie took the stereotypical "meat-head" bodybuilders and brought it to the extreme where the characters were no longer believable.

The three guys on a mission failed to relate to me because all they cared about was getting big and living the wealthy life even if they destroyed someone else's life in the process. There was a lack of internal struggle or even a moral struggle for the characters committing the crimes... with the exception of Dwayne Johnson's character who often did express his concerns about the crimes they were committing. The lack of internal struggle made it so I could care less for the outcome at the end of the movie, which made watching the second half of the movie more and more painful to watch as it went on.

The only positive I could take from Pain and Gain was that it was based on a true story, which did provide some moral lessons at the end. One lesson is that if you are going to spend so much time and effort into carrying out a plan to commit multiple crimes, why not apply those skills and determination into something to improve your life in an honorable way. But perhaps the most important lesson that can be taken from this movie is to be content. It's appalling and sad how someone could be so dissatisfied with their life that it leads them to a destructive path. Now I'm not saying it's a bad thing to try to improve your situation or advance in life and in your career. Striving to be the best you can be is healthy, however, not ever being satisfied with where you are in life is not.

Watching this movie about three guys who destroyed their lives and the lives of others because they did not know how to be happy and content with themselves was excruciating to watch. Although the movie did offer some kind of epiphany (important realization) at the end, the characters did not experience that for themselves, which is absolutely necessary in a tragedy. The conflict resolution for this comedy was that the movie ended and the three stupid criminals got what was coming to them. I only wish the resolution came an hour sooner because two hours and twenty-nine minutes was a little long for a tragic comedy. An hour and a half would have been sufficient for this not too comical comedy that got less and less funny and more and more painful to watch as it dragged on.

Top 10 Occupations The Hulk Should Never Do

10. Unemployment officer – With unemployment so high and people being taken off unemployment for being on there so long… there’s a legitimate reason to be upset. Just don’t take it out on the man whose turning green…

9. Professional Golfer – You’ve seen golfers throw their clubs in a lake or even there whole golf bag? Well how about a golf cart? The Hulk might if he got a triple bogey.

8. Yoga Instructor – Odd? Yes. But drop some weights near a yoga room and see what happens… Not so peaceful now. Huh.

7. Retail Store Manager – How mad do you think you would be if you had a customer try to refund something they had just stole from you? Ha ha. Uh, what? Yeah, you might wanna run...

6. Parole officer – How many times did I tell you not to be near that stuff… How many times?!... then again, the Hulk might be a good kind of parole officer.

5. Seamstress – More strange than a yoga instructor? Possibly, but just think about how much of a pain it is just to thread a string into a tiny needle eye and that’s with your fingers. Now try to imagine that with Hulk like fingers and then once you finally get it through, the needle tip pokes you as to say: “nener nener.”

4. Journalist – Constant deadlines, persistent scrutiny, long odd hours, and not nearly enough credit and pay for the job… “Hulk SMASH deadline and mean critic!”

3. Call Center – With people cursing at you and acting even more absurdly rude then how they would behave if face-to-face, I can imagine the Hulk smashing a few phones and computers. Not a good fit.

2. Childcare – Little blonde kid tells his mom overjoyed, “Hey mom, Johnny kept kicking me today and wouldn’t stop even for the teacher. Then the teacher kicked Johnny to the moon.”

1. Taxi driver (high populated city) – Do you like it when people cut you off in traffic? I’m sure he wouldn’t like that either. Just imagine a temper tantrum with thousands of cars being thrown around like Hot Wheels. 

* Is your job listed on here? If not, should it be? Share what you think and tell me what the Hulk would do if he was in your position.

Arrow Makes its Mark

A dark shadowy figure stands on the edge of a lit skyscraper looking below and searching for his next target which when eliminated will cleanse his city just a little bit more. He leaps and flies down a zip-line to a nearby rooftop. He takes out the henchmen surrounding his man with speed and tenacity. The shadowy figure steps forward into the light, "You have failed this city." Not something you would want to hear from a hooded man pointing an arrow at you... but definitely what you would want to hear if you can't get enough action and suspense like me.

The CW's newest hit action drama series Arrow is nearing the end of its first of possibly many successful seasons to come. Arrow is based on Detective Comics character Oliver Queen who shipwrecks on an island and returns five years later to become Green Arrow -- the green hooded vigilante and guardian of Starling City. Adapting to his new role as a vigilante isn't the only area Oliver must adjust to. Oliver also needs to find where he fits in socially since a lot has changed since he was on the island. 

Oliver's girlfriend he left behind, Laurel Lance, is now dating his best friend Tommy Merlin. Laurel is now a successful defense attorney who seems to have a thing for the vigilante. On the other hand, Tommy is Oliver's business partner and despises Arrow feeling that the vigilante is a cold killer and needs to be stopped. Laurel's father, Detective Quentin Lance, feels the same way as Tommy and vows to do everything necessary to take the vigilante down because he believes he is too dangerous to be able to take the law into his own hands. Oliver's mother is hiding secrets about her involvement in the shipwreck, murder of her husband and attempted murder of her son. Oliver's sister, Thea, believes that her mother isn't a saint like her brother believes she is and is dating a petty thief, who after being saved by Arrow feels that he owes his life to the vigilante.

Oliver can't do everything on his own and seeks the help of his personal secretary Felicity Smoak and bodyguard John Diggle to assist him with locating his targets and coming through for him when he gets in over his head. With the help from Felicity, Diggle, and sometimes unbeknownst to his friends and family, Arrow hunts down Starling City's most corrupt criminals and rids the city of corruption one arrow at a time..

 Watch Arrow Wednesday nights at 8:00 on The CW, and see how Oliver Queen handles the difficult balancing act of having a social life and fighting crime without causing his loved ones to feel betrayed, or worse placing them in harm's way. With only three episodes left in the first season, check out Arrow and be sure to watch the dramatic ending of the first season before you're left waiting all summer for the next season's premiere.

Honey, I Think We Bought a Transformer

Remember those toys that could transform from an animal to a robot? The ones similar to the transforming cars that have had three movies made recently about them? Well... one month after marrying my best friend, Holly, my wife and I decided to go to a pet store that we knew always carried small, cute puppies. We were only planning on looking. Looking. Ha-ha. Yeah, right.

We found this quiet and calm yorkshire terrier puppy born only ten days prior to our wedding. I went in and out of that pet store three times. The fourth time I left the pet store my wife was holding a yorkie in right her hand. We named her Sophie. Holly had always wanted a little girl puppy named Sophie, so that puppy had no chance. Her name was Sophie.

When we came home I was really surprised as to how playful that little puppy was, but it wasn't just her playfulness that was different about that 2 lb puppy. She began to reveal characteristics of other animals. My wife and I found this kind of cute and funny, but we didn't realize how serious of a situation we had on our hands. Every week she revealed something new about herself to us. The first time we left her at the house by herself she began to make this Velociraptor-like distress call. I looked over at my wife and back at Sophie. "Dog's don't do that..." I thought to myself. Little did we know. We had bought a transformer dog.

The Velociraptor war cry was a sign of things to come. She had the spirit of a wild animal and reacted to being confined like a shark would if in a dry tank. And if you can imagine cuddling up to a shark, Sophie isn't a real good snuggler either. She bites. She would be the one in a horror movie about a serial killing puppy, but don't worry she hasn't killed anyone yet, but it does seem like she's hiding something and covering it up with her cuteness.

It might look like Sophie is a stuffed animal, but beyond that fluffy 4 lb frame is a 1,000 lb bucking bronco and she strongly believes she weights a thousand pounds, too. She shows her horse-like nature every time she is held, and unfortunately for her that turns out to be quite a lot. There must be something about a puppy that makes us humans unable to resist holding them. No matter what the circumstance is, Sophie hates to be manhandled or in her case puppyhandled. I think it's because it makes her feel weak and she refuses to have any of that. The only times that she will allow anyone to have their way with her is when she is so worn out that she's too tired to fight back anymore... and believe me it sure is a sight to see when that happens. When she crashes she will let you cradle her like a little baby.

Besides her psychological transformation into an untamable beast, it's not unusual to see Sophie take on the nature of a monkey. This little puppy climbs with no fear as if she was born in a tree. When sitting down she will scale up between your legs to get in your lap. She will even break out of your arms, climb up to your head, and jump six feet down. If you have ever seen the movie Cats & Dogs (where the dogs are secret agents on a mission to stop evil cats from conquering the world) Sophie would totally be the spunky girl puppy with a mow-hawk wearing a dress... Yes, I know it is quite a picture to take in, but this dog is so eccentric she demands attention just from her personality. But the craziest thing is she doesn't even ask for it. She just attracts attention to herself like the tractor beam on the Death Star.

No matter if its a man-eating shark, a bucking horse, a hyperactive monkey, or a wresting alligator, there's one thing Sophie will always be: a part of the family. And with our new family she fits right in. As newly weds, Holly and I are always doing something, which means that our puppy will have to entertain herself during many of those times... and Sophie has no problems with that. As much as she loves being around us, she also loves playing with her toys and running around the house like a nut. There's never a dull moment in our lives and even if there was, our little yorkie would change that in a hurry with her transforming self by getting into something she isn't supposed to or just sitting around looking cute... and if that's the case, watch out, there's more to Sophie than meets the eye.